I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
