exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
