Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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