i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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