my mouth tastes like poor choices
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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