I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
