We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
