chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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