I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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