oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we're so committed to being not committed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
