So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
