i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
