Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
