I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
