to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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