how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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