OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
