Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
