At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
