Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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