Banned from zoo.
Again?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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