My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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