You made me cry and you don't even care
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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