if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
