sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
