Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
