Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
