She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's like heaven, but drunker
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
