How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
