i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
