I hate your face
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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