weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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