I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
