another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
