my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
