Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
