I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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