Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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