Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
