false alarm. still invincible.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
