Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
