someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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