im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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