i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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