East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
