I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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