sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
