If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
