I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
