remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
