Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
