you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
