O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
