well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
as a side note pls kill me
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