he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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