I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
